In less than a week, I turn 26. Instead of freaking out about the fact that I am one year closer to 30 and am starting to notice both wrinkles and gray hair (!!!), I decided to reflect on the past 26 years. So, here are my top 26 lessons of my 26 years (in no particular order)...
26. God is good, all the time.
25. I am precious, pursued, and deeply loved by the Creator of the universe.
24. Life will never be exactly (or at all!) what I expect.
23. Mental health "sick days" that include pancakes and pedicures are perfectly acceptable.
22. There is no person alive who will not disappoint me.
21. I can be a handyman and a spider-killer when I need to be.
20. There is nothing like being free to worship.
19. No one is beyond the grasp of grace.
18. Deep, intentional, soul-bearing friendship is like nothing else this side of heaven.
17. Learning is both a privilege and a responsibility.
16. Used cars are money pits.
15. It's ok to ask for help.
14. The combination of a good cry, Ben & Jerry's, and time with the Lord are the best solutions for life in this world (Although I'd recommend switching to FroYo after graduating from college).
13. My parents were right about a whole lot more than I thought at the time (except the Titanic thing - you know what I mean!)
12. Taking a big, blind risk is not always reckless - sometimes it becomes a defining moment and a chance to know God better.
11. Foil and microwaves do not mix.
10. Listening to the still, small Voice often means tuning out everyone else's...even the ones that seem wise.
9. Some days, you just have to dance.
8. Truth is not relative.
7. Love is not optional.
6. Sometimes, relationships are only meant to be for a season.
5. Always carry an umbrella, a hairbrush, and an extra pair of shoes.
4. God's timing is certainly not mine.
3. Prayer transforms circumstances, situations and hearts.
2. My mistakes can't undo His grace.
1. I have learned that the trials, heartaches, disappointments, and surprises of my life have eternal purpose...even if I can't see it now.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
...if You had been here...
The story of Lazarus is quickly becoming one of my favorite New Testament stories. And not because it's a cool story of a dead mummy-like guy emerging from a tomb (cue reminiscent image of flannel-graph).
I think it's one of the most relevant and telling portraits of Christ written in Scripture. In the story, Christ is told that Lazarus, a beloved friend, is sick - even to the point that he is about to die. Jesus hears this, and He decides to wait four days before going to see Lazarus. By this time, of course, Lazarus has died, and his sisters, Mary and Martha, are angry. And, in my opinion, rightfully so. It's not like these women were faithless. In fact, the reason they were so mad was because they knew the power that Christ had - the power to heal their brother and save them from their grief.
Both Mary and Martha say the same thing to Jesus: "Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died."
But, the amazing thing about this story is WHY Jesus waited. He waited until the timing was perfect. There was a crowd there to comfort Mary and Martha - a crowd that would see what happened and some who put their faith in Him. There was also no doubt that it was Christ Who had the power to raise the dead. It was all about maximum glory. And to Mary and Martha, who only could see what they thought was the best solution to the problem, there was confusion and suffering in the four days before Jesus arrived.
Often, I think, we understand this lesson in retrospect, just like Mary and Martha did. We see our problems, and we also see our own solutions. But often, I think, the Lord wants to make us wait to give Himself ultimate glory and to reveal something of Himself to us. It's really all about love. God didn't just want to lessen Mary and Martha's pain - He wanted to strengthen their faith and show them a glimpse of His glory. The hard thing about it is to trust that this is true, even when the end can't be seen among the trials of the moment.
Most recently, the Lord taught me this through answering my prayer with a job offer. After about five months of job searching, more than 100 applications sent out, one temporary job, and twelve or so interviews, I got an offer from a company that I never would have imagined. The amazing thing was, I can't say that it came about through anything except the hand of God. The timing - getting the job literally an hour after finishing my temporary job - was more than coincidence. The means by which I found out about the job and was asked to interview could also only be the Lord leading the way.
With that prayer answered, I can now say that I truly am thankful for the time it took for the job to come about. Although there were definite moments of frustration, anger, and tears, I can say most assuredly that the Lord taught me a lot about Himself and was glorified in the result.
And as I face the other obstacles of my life - and the other prayers that I have that have not yet been answered - I face them with a certainty that the same God that desired to reveal His love to Mary and Martha, desires to reveal it to me, too.
His timing is perfect.
I think it's one of the most relevant and telling portraits of Christ written in Scripture. In the story, Christ is told that Lazarus, a beloved friend, is sick - even to the point that he is about to die. Jesus hears this, and He decides to wait four days before going to see Lazarus. By this time, of course, Lazarus has died, and his sisters, Mary and Martha, are angry. And, in my opinion, rightfully so. It's not like these women were faithless. In fact, the reason they were so mad was because they knew the power that Christ had - the power to heal their brother and save them from their grief.
Both Mary and Martha say the same thing to Jesus: "Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died."
But, the amazing thing about this story is WHY Jesus waited. He waited until the timing was perfect. There was a crowd there to comfort Mary and Martha - a crowd that would see what happened and some who put their faith in Him. There was also no doubt that it was Christ Who had the power to raise the dead. It was all about maximum glory. And to Mary and Martha, who only could see what they thought was the best solution to the problem, there was confusion and suffering in the four days before Jesus arrived.
Often, I think, we understand this lesson in retrospect, just like Mary and Martha did. We see our problems, and we also see our own solutions. But often, I think, the Lord wants to make us wait to give Himself ultimate glory and to reveal something of Himself to us. It's really all about love. God didn't just want to lessen Mary and Martha's pain - He wanted to strengthen their faith and show them a glimpse of His glory. The hard thing about it is to trust that this is true, even when the end can't be seen among the trials of the moment.
Most recently, the Lord taught me this through answering my prayer with a job offer. After about five months of job searching, more than 100 applications sent out, one temporary job, and twelve or so interviews, I got an offer from a company that I never would have imagined. The amazing thing was, I can't say that it came about through anything except the hand of God. The timing - getting the job literally an hour after finishing my temporary job - was more than coincidence. The means by which I found out about the job and was asked to interview could also only be the Lord leading the way.
With that prayer answered, I can now say that I truly am thankful for the time it took for the job to come about. Although there were definite moments of frustration, anger, and tears, I can say most assuredly that the Lord taught me a lot about Himself and was glorified in the result.
And as I face the other obstacles of my life - and the other prayers that I have that have not yet been answered - I face them with a certainty that the same God that desired to reveal His love to Mary and Martha, desires to reveal it to me, too.
His timing is perfect.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
...of course...
Over the past few days, I’ve started to really struggle with discouragement. I fully anticipated that I would move to DC, get a job within the first month, and have more than every need met pretty much immediately. I didn’t expect this.
Every opportunity has fallen through, every lead has resulted in a dead end, and I’ve been left questioning my decisions and, quite honestly, my God. It’s been 2 1/2 months, and I’ve literally got nothing.
Today, after hours of applying to jobs and two venti white mochas, I grabbed my Bible in frustration and just started reading. I read Hebrews and then James. I started feeling less sorry for myself around Hebrews 11, and then in James it says, “Consider it pure joy, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”
I wonder how my life would change if I took that a little more seriously. Instead of this being a time of discouragement, I should look at it as the work of a loving God, developing my faith and drawing me closer to Him. Because, of course, it wouldn’t take a lot of faith if I still had money in my bank account. It wouldn’t take faith if I had offers pouring in after being here for a few weeks. It wouldn’t take a lot of faith if it was safe.
So, I’ve decided to consider this a time of joy. A time in which I have little demands on my time, few responsibilities, and a lot of time to fall more in love with my Savior.
In my small group notes last night, there was a quote from Annie Dillard: “How we spend our days, of course, is how we spend our lives.” My days lately have been filled with anxiety, tears, and panic. My time has been spent frantically trying to fill my days so that I don’t have to think about what I don’t have. I’m choosing to fill my days with meaningful time with Jesus.
This could just be the best time of my life.
Every opportunity has fallen through, every lead has resulted in a dead end, and I’ve been left questioning my decisions and, quite honestly, my God. It’s been 2 1/2 months, and I’ve literally got nothing.
Today, after hours of applying to jobs and two venti white mochas, I grabbed my Bible in frustration and just started reading. I read Hebrews and then James. I started feeling less sorry for myself around Hebrews 11, and then in James it says, “Consider it pure joy, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”
I wonder how my life would change if I took that a little more seriously. Instead of this being a time of discouragement, I should look at it as the work of a loving God, developing my faith and drawing me closer to Him. Because, of course, it wouldn’t take a lot of faith if I still had money in my bank account. It wouldn’t take faith if I had offers pouring in after being here for a few weeks. It wouldn’t take a lot of faith if it was safe.
So, I’ve decided to consider this a time of joy. A time in which I have little demands on my time, few responsibilities, and a lot of time to fall more in love with my Savior.
In my small group notes last night, there was a quote from Annie Dillard: “How we spend our days, of course, is how we spend our lives.” My days lately have been filled with anxiety, tears, and panic. My time has been spent frantically trying to fill my days so that I don’t have to think about what I don’t have. I’m choosing to fill my days with meaningful time with Jesus.
This could just be the best time of my life.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
...all you need is love...
i just finished one of the most poignantly simple books i think i have ever read. my small group started "crazy love" by francis chan. the plan was to read one chapter a week, but once i started reading, i couldn't put it down. i think the subtitle summed up how i felt when i finished: "overwhelmed by a relentless God."
the whole concept of the book doesn't really mesh with the God i grew up believing in. in fact, the idea that God loves me so passionately, relentlessly, crazily, seems a little...unchristian. growing up, God was always this larger-than-life character, sitting up in heaven with a sceptre (picture king triton) and frowning when i lied or cursed (which was a lot, especially around age 15). He was the God of Truth and justice, and while i "knew" that He loved me, i didn't quite buy it.
it wasn't until i went to college, and began to form true relationships with the girls that i lived with, that i started to understand what a relationship with the Creator of the universe was all about. i think sometimes that's our main problem. we don't know how to truly relate to others...we don't have deep relationships...and we approach and think about God in the same casual way. it's just a connection, a vague association, instead of a deep and meaningful, intentional love affair.
i was thinking about this tonight while on the phone with one of my dearest friends. she has been one of the most precious gifts that God could've ever given to me, but we didn't just decide to be BFFs overnight. we had to work at it. we pray for each other, ask each other meaningful and intentional questions, and we make an effort to stay in touch. and it took time for us to be completely comfortable with each other.
the fact that i can have the most intimate of relationships with the God of everything, and the fact that He wants one with me, is truly overwhelming. my prayer is that i would continue to passionately pursue Him, fully believing that He relentlessly pursues me.
the whole concept of the book doesn't really mesh with the God i grew up believing in. in fact, the idea that God loves me so passionately, relentlessly, crazily, seems a little...unchristian. growing up, God was always this larger-than-life character, sitting up in heaven with a sceptre (picture king triton) and frowning when i lied or cursed (which was a lot, especially around age 15). He was the God of Truth and justice, and while i "knew" that He loved me, i didn't quite buy it.
it wasn't until i went to college, and began to form true relationships with the girls that i lived with, that i started to understand what a relationship with the Creator of the universe was all about. i think sometimes that's our main problem. we don't know how to truly relate to others...we don't have deep relationships...and we approach and think about God in the same casual way. it's just a connection, a vague association, instead of a deep and meaningful, intentional love affair.
i was thinking about this tonight while on the phone with one of my dearest friends. she has been one of the most precious gifts that God could've ever given to me, but we didn't just decide to be BFFs overnight. we had to work at it. we pray for each other, ask each other meaningful and intentional questions, and we make an effort to stay in touch. and it took time for us to be completely comfortable with each other.
the fact that i can have the most intimate of relationships with the God of everything, and the fact that He wants one with me, is truly overwhelming. my prayer is that i would continue to passionately pursue Him, fully believing that He relentlessly pursues me.
Friday, July 23, 2010
...grace...
on two different occasions this week, i have heard and read commentary on the parables that Jesus tells of the prodigal son and the lost sheep. one of the things i used to tell my students was that if they heard me say something more than once, i probably wanted them to pay attention. i guess there must be something in those parables that the Lord wants me to see this week.
i feel like i could spend a lifetime unpacking and trying to understand the truth of the grace of God. the fact that He cares enough for me to leave everything and pursue me (the lost sheep) and that He loves so deeply that He would break both decorum and social expectation to run and meet me when i return to Him after wandering away (the prodigal son).
i've been reading through hebrews, and tonight, i read the verse in chapter 12 that says, "see to it that no one misses the grace of God." i've always thought that that particular line was so...quotable. but i've been realizing what deep truth lies behind that short phrase, and what a responsibility it is for those of us who have experienced His grace. and how miserably i can fail at reflecting it to a world so desperately in need.
the wonderful thing about the grace of God is that it reaches into the depths of drapravity; it goes to uncomfortable places. it touches people right where they are without expecting them to change first. it loves unconditionally and unendingly...no matter what. and my command is to make sure that no one that meets me passes by without seeing that grace reflected in me.
i have been forgiven unconditionally. i can see the grace of God poured into my life every day. and i have the responsibility, ability, and privilege to carry that grace to uncomfortable places and "undesirable" people with the goal of making sure that they don't miss out on the wonders of the grace of God. i want to be able to echo the words of jeremiah: "if i say, 'i will not mention Him or speak anymore in His name, His Word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. i am weary of holding it in; indeed, i cannot.'"
i feel like i could spend a lifetime unpacking and trying to understand the truth of the grace of God. the fact that He cares enough for me to leave everything and pursue me (the lost sheep) and that He loves so deeply that He would break both decorum and social expectation to run and meet me when i return to Him after wandering away (the prodigal son).
i've been reading through hebrews, and tonight, i read the verse in chapter 12 that says, "see to it that no one misses the grace of God." i've always thought that that particular line was so...quotable. but i've been realizing what deep truth lies behind that short phrase, and what a responsibility it is for those of us who have experienced His grace. and how miserably i can fail at reflecting it to a world so desperately in need.
the wonderful thing about the grace of God is that it reaches into the depths of drapravity; it goes to uncomfortable places. it touches people right where they are without expecting them to change first. it loves unconditionally and unendingly...no matter what. and my command is to make sure that no one that meets me passes by without seeing that grace reflected in me.
i have been forgiven unconditionally. i can see the grace of God poured into my life every day. and i have the responsibility, ability, and privilege to carry that grace to uncomfortable places and "undesirable" people with the goal of making sure that they don't miss out on the wonders of the grace of God. i want to be able to echo the words of jeremiah: "if i say, 'i will not mention Him or speak anymore in His name, His Word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. i am weary of holding it in; indeed, i cannot.'"
Sunday, July 18, 2010
...week one...
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
If I could characterize my first week in DC (Actually, NoVa, as I believe it is called), I could sum it up as being filled with moments of unmistakable grace.
After more than a year of praying, crying, talking about, more crying, and even more praying over this move, as well as moment after moment of God clearly affirming it all along the way, I faced a different kind of anxiousness this week. After everything had been moved in, put away, and hung up on the walls, I suddenly found myself with no plan, no direction, no agenda. One morning, I stood on my balcony with my coffee, and the only thing that was running through my mind was, "Oh, crap." (I can be so articulate sometimes.)
But I'm thankful that I serve a gracious (and oh-so-patient) God Who never tires of my questions and doubts. That night, I went to a praise and worship service with my roommate (who is another gracious gift from God), and the main message was about our anxieties and fears. I couldn't help being brought to tears to think that my God was speaking to me through those words.
Being the grammar nerd that I am, I also can't help but notice the indefinite pronouns in those verses from Philippians: "Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in EVERYTHING...present your requests to God." I remember I used to think that those verses were kind of like an impossible command. But as I've learned to trust more and more in my Savior, I realize that He only wants to lavish His grace on us. Anxieties get in the way of us experiencing all that God has in store for us.
All that I really know is that I am committed to seeking Him, not fixing my problems or filling my calendar. Ten or twenty years from now, when I look back on my life during this time of uncertainty, I want it to be with a fond remembrance of how I savored the grace that God poured into my life.
If I could characterize my first week in DC (Actually, NoVa, as I believe it is called), I could sum it up as being filled with moments of unmistakable grace.
After more than a year of praying, crying, talking about, more crying, and even more praying over this move, as well as moment after moment of God clearly affirming it all along the way, I faced a different kind of anxiousness this week. After everything had been moved in, put away, and hung up on the walls, I suddenly found myself with no plan, no direction, no agenda. One morning, I stood on my balcony with my coffee, and the only thing that was running through my mind was, "Oh, crap." (I can be so articulate sometimes.)
But I'm thankful that I serve a gracious (and oh-so-patient) God Who never tires of my questions and doubts. That night, I went to a praise and worship service with my roommate (who is another gracious gift from God), and the main message was about our anxieties and fears. I couldn't help being brought to tears to think that my God was speaking to me through those words.
Being the grammar nerd that I am, I also can't help but notice the indefinite pronouns in those verses from Philippians: "Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in EVERYTHING...present your requests to God." I remember I used to think that those verses were kind of like an impossible command. But as I've learned to trust more and more in my Savior, I realize that He only wants to lavish His grace on us. Anxieties get in the way of us experiencing all that God has in store for us.
All that I really know is that I am committed to seeking Him, not fixing my problems or filling my calendar. Ten or twenty years from now, when I look back on my life during this time of uncertainty, I want it to be with a fond remembrance of how I savored the grace that God poured into my life.
Monday, June 21, 2010
...Kingdom friends...
this afternoon, i caught up with a dear friend. we've known each other practically since we were born. we danced and sang "baby one more time" in a middle school talent show (which does still exist on a vhs tape that i've tried unsuccessfully to burn), stood in line for 10 hours to see 'nsync, and went through all the pains and challenges that growing up entails together. we've fought, made up, drifted apart, drifted back together. but the Lord has always kept up in the fringes of each other's lives. every time we get together, i am refreshed and encouraged.
i think the greatest thing about the family of God is just that. no matter what experiences we've had, what trials we have faced or are currently facing, we always have something to talk about. we can always encourage each other with what God has done; what He's teaching us and how He's blessing us.
right now, i am facing the hardest thing i've ever faced in my life. my heart is broken in ways that i never thought it could be. i am crushed beneath the weight of someone else's sin. on a minute-by-minute basis, i drift between anger, fear, embarrassment, and brokenness.
my friend is also going through the hardest trial of her life. it's vastly different, but i believe that the Lord brought us together for lunch maybe just to encourage my heart; make me feel like i'm not so alone. and let me know that in ways that i can't comprehend right now, He still cares for my heart enough to arrange an encounter with His truth through the conversation with my friend.
i don't know what the future will hold for my family. i can't think further than today. but i am thankful for a family of believers that the Lord uses to lift us up and remind us that He alone can mend the messes we make of our lives. He alone can change someone's heart, draw them back to Him, and restore broken hearts and broken relationships.
so thank you, my friend. i hope you know how much of a blessing our lunch was to me.
i think the greatest thing about the family of God is just that. no matter what experiences we've had, what trials we have faced or are currently facing, we always have something to talk about. we can always encourage each other with what God has done; what He's teaching us and how He's blessing us.
right now, i am facing the hardest thing i've ever faced in my life. my heart is broken in ways that i never thought it could be. i am crushed beneath the weight of someone else's sin. on a minute-by-minute basis, i drift between anger, fear, embarrassment, and brokenness.
my friend is also going through the hardest trial of her life. it's vastly different, but i believe that the Lord brought us together for lunch maybe just to encourage my heart; make me feel like i'm not so alone. and let me know that in ways that i can't comprehend right now, He still cares for my heart enough to arrange an encounter with His truth through the conversation with my friend.
i don't know what the future will hold for my family. i can't think further than today. but i am thankful for a family of believers that the Lord uses to lift us up and remind us that He alone can mend the messes we make of our lives. He alone can change someone's heart, draw them back to Him, and restore broken hearts and broken relationships.
so thank you, my friend. i hope you know how much of a blessing our lunch was to me.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
...struggles with sovereignty...
a friend recently told me something that i honestly can't handle. i've been in a constant state of nausea and disbelief over a situation that greatly affects me, but about which i can do nothing. i find myself saying over and over to the Lord, "anything but this. God, ANYTHING but this."
but with a new day comes new clarity. the lessons that the Lord has been teaching me about His sovereignty are nothing if not completely relevant right now.
so in the moments when all i can manage to do is cry, i know that He is sovereign over EVERYTHING. every decision made, every aching heart, every moment. He knew about this before the foundations of the earth.
so instead of asking why, instead of trying to figure out what went wrong, or how i could've maybe done something differently, i will rest in the fact that He knows and understands every part of this. and i know that someday i will be praising Him for the way He worked to make everything right again.
but with a new day comes new clarity. the lessons that the Lord has been teaching me about His sovereignty are nothing if not completely relevant right now.
so in the moments when all i can manage to do is cry, i know that He is sovereign over EVERYTHING. every decision made, every aching heart, every moment. He knew about this before the foundations of the earth.
so instead of asking why, instead of trying to figure out what went wrong, or how i could've maybe done something differently, i will rest in the fact that He knows and understands every part of this. and i know that someday i will be praising Him for the way He worked to make everything right again.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
...a fleece....
I've kind of been asking the Lord for signs. I'm really not one to do that because I've always had this underlying fear that God will be mad at me for not being spiritual enough. Like I should just magically know things and never question anything. Which sounds ridiculous, I know.
But anyway, the stress of doing something as seemingly crazy as I'm doing (leaving a really good job that I [mostly] love, friends, an awesome church, etc. for the complete and utter unknown with no job, no money, and student loans to consider} has really been getting to me. I think it may partly be because colleagues ask me every once in awhile if I've gotten a job yet, and when I reply, "No, not yet, but I have decided to move no matter what," I get this look. You know, the smile that says, "You're insane. I would never do that." So, I asked the Lord the other day for some assurance. You know, like a fleece, a job, a rich man to pay off my debt, really anything.
Well, today, I insanely printed out my resignation letter, signed it, and was proofreading it again when an email popped up on my screen. It was from a woman in my church that I think I met once, and this is what it said:
Julianne,
I heard you were leaving us! I’ll be praying for you on your next adventure. I did the same thing (many years ago!). I left and went to N.C. to teach, but I felt like I was supposed to come back to Dayton. So I moved back without a teaching job. I did get one, but it was the weekend right before school started. I was quite bummed the week before school when I still didn’t have a job, and I have to admit I kept thinking “Okay, God, I’m confused!! I thought you wanted me here! “ It was funny that I didn’t get called for an interview until the Friday evening before the week of school. It was after 5:00 and so I remember sulking around thinking, “now what?!” I think God made me wait, so I could just learn I had to wait on His timing, because it is always the best timing. I’m sharing that little lesson with you, so that maybe you’ll catch on early and you won’t have to wait until the last minute like I did! Ha!
Thanks for all the serving you did with women’s Bible studies. I’m praying that you’ll soon find where God wants you to serve next.
This woman had no idea that I'd been asking the Lord for something concrete; something that definitively said, "This is the right choice." Now, I'm sure that tomorrow, or this weekend, I'll need another fleece (and I'll still take the rich man). But I'm quite sure the Lord is not exasperated with me. In fact, I think it gives Him joy to assure His children of His love, provision, and protection.
That I know for sure.
But anyway, the stress of doing something as seemingly crazy as I'm doing (leaving a really good job that I [mostly] love, friends, an awesome church, etc. for the complete and utter unknown with no job, no money, and student loans to consider} has really been getting to me. I think it may partly be because colleagues ask me every once in awhile if I've gotten a job yet, and when I reply, "No, not yet, but I have decided to move no matter what," I get this look. You know, the smile that says, "You're insane. I would never do that." So, I asked the Lord the other day for some assurance. You know, like a fleece, a job, a rich man to pay off my debt, really anything.
Well, today, I insanely printed out my resignation letter, signed it, and was proofreading it again when an email popped up on my screen. It was from a woman in my church that I think I met once, and this is what it said:
Julianne,
I heard you were leaving us! I’ll be praying for you on your next adventure. I did the same thing (many years ago!). I left and went to N.C. to teach, but I felt like I was supposed to come back to Dayton. So I moved back without a teaching job. I did get one, but it was the weekend right before school started. I was quite bummed the week before school when I still didn’t have a job, and I have to admit I kept thinking “Okay, God, I’m confused!! I thought you wanted me here! “ It was funny that I didn’t get called for an interview until the Friday evening before the week of school. It was after 5:00 and so I remember sulking around thinking, “now what?!” I think God made me wait, so I could just learn I had to wait on His timing, because it is always the best timing. I’m sharing that little lesson with you, so that maybe you’ll catch on early and you won’t have to wait until the last minute like I did! Ha!
Thanks for all the serving you did with women’s Bible studies. I’m praying that you’ll soon find where God wants you to serve next.
This woman had no idea that I'd been asking the Lord for something concrete; something that definitively said, "This is the right choice." Now, I'm sure that tomorrow, or this weekend, I'll need another fleece (and I'll still take the rich man). But I'm quite sure the Lord is not exasperated with me. In fact, I think it gives Him joy to assure His children of His love, provision, and protection.
That I know for sure.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
...in pursuit of Him...
My dad always talks about God's will. He's always asking me if I am sure about decisions that I'm making - Am I sure that this job is God's will? Am I sure that Washington, DC is God's will? Am I sure that this car is God's will? But I'm really not sure that I know what that means. Does it mean that I have no choices about anything - everything is predetermined and if I screw up one thing, my whole life is screwed?
I don't think so. Over the past few years, I've wrestled with this question - absolutely paralyzed in fear of making a mistake. And I think I've finally come to a conclusion.
The only thing that matters is obedience. A daily walk with Christ that is real, authentic, growing.
My deepest desire is to be like Christ. I've thrown out the phrase, "Is this His will?" from my vocabulary, and replaced it with, "Am I daily walking in faith?"
And so, I've decided that my spiritual journey for the next few months is going to be focused on knowing Christ. Following Him. Obeying Him. I believe that this starts and ends with what He has revealed about Himself in the scriptures. And I'm finding out more than I ever have before.
I recently went through the book of Matthew (and am working on the other gospels) and just made a list of the commands that Christ gives us in His own words. It's amazing what He says...and what He doesn't.
Here's my list from Matthew. Every time I read through it, it just encourages my heart. And really challenges me.
“Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” 3:7
“Worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only.” 3:10
“Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.” 3:17
“Come, follow Me.” 3:19
“Let your light shine before men.” 5:16
“Go and be reconciled to your brother.” 5:23
“Settle matters quickly with your adversary.” 5:25
“Do not swear at all.” 5:34
“Do not resist an evil person.” 5:39
“Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” 5:42
“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” 5:44
“Be perfect, as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” 5:48
“Be careful not to do your ‘acts of righteousness’ before men.” 6:1
“When you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, Who is unseen.” 6:6
“When you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting.” 6:16
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth.” 6:19
“Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven.” 6:20
“Do not worry about your life.” 6:25
“Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness.” 6:33
“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” 6:34
“Do not judge.” 7:1
“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs.” 7:6
“Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened unto you.” 7:7
“In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” 7:12
“Enter through the narrow gate.” 7:13
“Watch out for false prophets.” 7:15
“Ask the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into His harvest field.” 9:38
“Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.” 10:28
“Come to Me, you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” 11:28
“Honor your father and mother.” 15:4
“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” 16:24
“If you have faith as small as a mustard seed...nothing will be impossible for you.” 17:20-21
“Whoever humbles himself like this child will be greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” 18:4
“Whoever welcomes a little child like this in My name welcomes Me.” 18:5
“See that you do not look down on one of these little ones.” 18:10
“If a brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.” 18:15
“Forgive your brother from your heart.” 18:35
“If you want to enter life, obey the commandments.” 19:17
“Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as yourself.” 19:18-19
“Sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow Me.” 19:21
“If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” 21:22
“Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.” 22:21
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” 22:37
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” 22:39
“Do not call anyone on earth, “father,” for you have one Father, and He is in heaven.” 23:9
“Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” 23:12
“Watch out that no one deceives you.” 24:4
“Keep watch, because you do not know on what day the Lord will come.” 24:42
“Whatever you did for one of the least of these, you did for Me.” 25:40
“Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” 28:19-20
I don't think so. Over the past few years, I've wrestled with this question - absolutely paralyzed in fear of making a mistake. And I think I've finally come to a conclusion.
The only thing that matters is obedience. A daily walk with Christ that is real, authentic, growing.
My deepest desire is to be like Christ. I've thrown out the phrase, "Is this His will?" from my vocabulary, and replaced it with, "Am I daily walking in faith?"
And so, I've decided that my spiritual journey for the next few months is going to be focused on knowing Christ. Following Him. Obeying Him. I believe that this starts and ends with what He has revealed about Himself in the scriptures. And I'm finding out more than I ever have before.
I recently went through the book of Matthew (and am working on the other gospels) and just made a list of the commands that Christ gives us in His own words. It's amazing what He says...and what He doesn't.
Here's my list from Matthew. Every time I read through it, it just encourages my heart. And really challenges me.
“Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” 3:7
“Worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only.” 3:10
“Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.” 3:17
“Come, follow Me.” 3:19
“Let your light shine before men.” 5:16
“Go and be reconciled to your brother.” 5:23
“Settle matters quickly with your adversary.” 5:25
“Do not swear at all.” 5:34
“Do not resist an evil person.” 5:39
“Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” 5:42
“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” 5:44
“Be perfect, as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” 5:48
“Be careful not to do your ‘acts of righteousness’ before men.” 6:1
“When you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, Who is unseen.” 6:6
“When you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting.” 6:16
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth.” 6:19
“Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven.” 6:20
“Do not worry about your life.” 6:25
“Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness.” 6:33
“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” 6:34
“Do not judge.” 7:1
“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs.” 7:6
“Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened unto you.” 7:7
“In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” 7:12
“Enter through the narrow gate.” 7:13
“Watch out for false prophets.” 7:15
“Ask the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into His harvest field.” 9:38
“Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.” 10:28
“Come to Me, you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” 11:28
“Honor your father and mother.” 15:4
“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” 16:24
“If you have faith as small as a mustard seed...nothing will be impossible for you.” 17:20-21
“Whoever humbles himself like this child will be greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” 18:4
“Whoever welcomes a little child like this in My name welcomes Me.” 18:5
“See that you do not look down on one of these little ones.” 18:10
“If a brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.” 18:15
“Forgive your brother from your heart.” 18:35
“If you want to enter life, obey the commandments.” 19:17
“Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as yourself.” 19:18-19
“Sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow Me.” 19:21
“If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” 21:22
“Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.” 22:21
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” 22:37
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” 22:39
“Do not call anyone on earth, “father,” for you have one Father, and He is in heaven.” 23:9
“Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” 23:12
“Watch out that no one deceives you.” 24:4
“Keep watch, because you do not know on what day the Lord will come.” 24:42
“Whatever you did for one of the least of these, you did for Me.” 25:40
“Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” 28:19-20
Thursday, May 13, 2010
...a new chapter...
I used to consider myself a relatively adventurous person. I went to a college that was 9 hours from my parents, took a job in the same area, and have lived as an independent spirit ever since. It really has been an adventure. I've changed my own headlight, killed numerous spiders all by myself, put furniture together, started a business, and have driven in Chicago's rush-hour traffic.
But lately, my choices and decisions have been all about playing it safe. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but my idea of safety is relying solely on myself. I hate to admit it, but my relationship with the Lord had become secondary to my own independence.
So, while co-leading a Bible study about Abraham last fall, I began thinking about Abraham's journey...and mine. Abraham was a man who risked everything because he knew Who was in control of his life. He put aside his "right" to lead his own life and gave everything to God - even following Him without having any idea where that would lead him.
I began to pray.
At the same time, I began facing the possibility of losing my job due to budget cuts. I prayed harder. I began to think about where I would go if I had the opportunity to go anywhere. Over time, my heart settled on Washington, DC. My family, the people I value most on this earth, would be close by. I would be able to live with a dear friend. And I would be in an exciting city with endless possibilities.
As I sought out the advice of godly people, prayed, and waited as patiently as possible for news about my job, I became convinced that the Lord was moving me. Even though I didn't know for sure if moving would be necessary, I began to believe that God was using my job situation to open my eyes to something new. A risk.
I remember telling a friend that I was afraid that I wouldn't lose my job and also that I wouldn't have a job in DC before the time came for me to make a decision. It seems that both of those things have happened. My job is safe and secure. But I don't think it's for me anymore. I don't have a job in DC, and unless there's a miracle within the next month, I may not have one anytime soon.
But there's one thing I know. My God is in control. He's sovereign, and He has known what I would need each second of my life. I am moving forward in full confidence that He Who promised is faithful. That He never will leave me or forsake me. That He has some great things in store for me.
But lately, my choices and decisions have been all about playing it safe. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but my idea of safety is relying solely on myself. I hate to admit it, but my relationship with the Lord had become secondary to my own independence.
So, while co-leading a Bible study about Abraham last fall, I began thinking about Abraham's journey...and mine. Abraham was a man who risked everything because he knew Who was in control of his life. He put aside his "right" to lead his own life and gave everything to God - even following Him without having any idea where that would lead him.
I began to pray.
At the same time, I began facing the possibility of losing my job due to budget cuts. I prayed harder. I began to think about where I would go if I had the opportunity to go anywhere. Over time, my heart settled on Washington, DC. My family, the people I value most on this earth, would be close by. I would be able to live with a dear friend. And I would be in an exciting city with endless possibilities.
As I sought out the advice of godly people, prayed, and waited as patiently as possible for news about my job, I became convinced that the Lord was moving me. Even though I didn't know for sure if moving would be necessary, I began to believe that God was using my job situation to open my eyes to something new. A risk.
I remember telling a friend that I was afraid that I wouldn't lose my job and also that I wouldn't have a job in DC before the time came for me to make a decision. It seems that both of those things have happened. My job is safe and secure. But I don't think it's for me anymore. I don't have a job in DC, and unless there's a miracle within the next month, I may not have one anytime soon.
But there's one thing I know. My God is in control. He's sovereign, and He has known what I would need each second of my life. I am moving forward in full confidence that He Who promised is faithful. That He never will leave me or forsake me. That He has some great things in store for me.
Quality Education in an Entertainment-Driven World
The school that I work for allows students to carry and use cell phones between classes. They are also allowed to use ipods and other MP3 players in the halls. On a weekly basis, I am shown a new cell phone, app, or other technology that is completely foreign to me. Most hours of the day, my students are mindlessly entertained by screens and ear buds.
How can Shakespeare and sentence diagramming compete with that?
I can’t possibly create music videos, video games, or iphone apps for every (or any!)lesson. Some days a handout with clip art is as visually stimulating as my class gets. But I think I may have an answer for those who are frustrated by the media-engulfed teens of today.
Relevance.
It sounds obvious. We need to make our lessons relevant. But I don’t know how many teachers actually ask themselves on a daily basis whether or not they teaching to relevance.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t really care about things that don’t affect me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve skipped over a news headline or changed the channel or passed on a book - simply because that subject was completely irrelevant to my life. But if someone came along and explained that my life could be greatly improved upon simply by my learning something about quantum mechanics or the history of the coffee bean, I may just listen to them. And teenagers are exactly the same.
So, what does a relevant classroom look like? First of all, I think it’s conversation-driven. I’m not talking about scheduled discussions about content. I’m talking about an open dialogue between students and teacher. I love when my students ask me why in the world they need to know what an appositive is. And I know that in other classrooms, that kind of question is met with frustration. When students feel safe enough to ask the “why” questions and are given thoughtful answers, they can begin to see the discipline as a part of their lives instead of an obligation.
Secondly, a relevant classroom is an intentional one. A teacher that designs “real world” assignments will be far more successful than one who simply strives to hit all of the state standards. Although this may take a little more time on the planning end, it is well worth the effort. Teenagers are by nature very self-centered. They need to be told that this is about them!
Thirdly, a relevant classroom acknowledges culture. I am so thankful for the English department at my current school because they have striven to teach books with so-called “controversial” content - books that discuss depression, sex, drugs and alcohol, and rape. Pretending that those things don’t exist in their lives is one way to instantly alienate them - and cause you to be irrelevant to them. But a teacher who acknowledges the presence of “controversial” content in students’ lives is more able to be a good role model and speak truth about those issues. When I address these issues in my classroom, I am well aware of the fact that I may be the only one giving them a responsible answer. And my students listen.
I truly don’t believe that an effective teacher has to have the greatest technology and even incredibly entertaining subject matter. An effective teacher needs to simply illustrate an understanding of her students and a desire to be applicable to them. Who knows? They may even forget about their ipods for awhile.
It doesn’t have to be earth-shattering. It just has to matter.
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