...a fleece....

I've kind of been asking the Lord for signs. I'm really not one to do that because I've always had this underlying fear that God will be mad at me for not being spiritual enough. Like I should just magically know things and never question anything. Which sounds ridiculous, I know.

But anyway, the stress of doing something as seemingly crazy as I'm doing (leaving a really good job that I [mostly] love, friends, an awesome church, etc. for the complete and utter unknown with no job, no money, and student loans to consider} has really been getting to me. I think it may partly be because colleagues ask me every once in awhile if I've gotten a job yet, and when I reply, "No, not yet, but I have decided to move no matter what," I get this look. You know, the smile that says, "You're insane. I would never do that." So, I asked the Lord the other day for some assurance. You know, like a fleece, a job, a rich man to pay off my debt, really anything.

Well, today, I insanely printed out my resignation letter, signed it, and was proofreading it again when an email popped up on my screen. It was from a woman in my church that I think I met once, and this is what it said:

Julianne,
I heard you were leaving us! I’ll be praying for you on your next adventure. I did the same thing (many years ago!). I left and went to N.C. to teach, but I felt like I was supposed to come back to Dayton. So I moved back without a teaching job. I did get one, but it was the weekend right before school started. I was quite bummed the week before school when I still didn’t have a job, and I have to admit I kept thinking “Okay, God, I’m confused!! I thought you wanted me here! “ It was funny that I didn’t get called for an interview until the Friday evening before the week of school. It was after 5:00 and so I remember sulking around thinking, “now what?!” I think God made me wait, so I could just learn I had to wait on His timing, because it is always the best timing. I’m sharing that little lesson with you, so that maybe you’ll catch on early and you won’t have to wait until the last minute like I did! Ha!
Thanks for all the serving you did with women’s Bible studies. I’m praying that you’ll soon find where God wants you to serve next.

This woman had no idea that I'd been asking the Lord for something concrete; something that definitively said, "This is the right choice." Now, I'm sure that tomorrow, or this weekend, I'll need another fleece (and I'll still take the rich man). But I'm quite sure the Lord is not exasperated with me. In fact, I think it gives Him joy to assure His children of His love, provision, and protection.

That I know for sure.

...in pursuit of Him...

My dad always talks about God's will. He's always asking me if I am sure about decisions that I'm making - Am I sure that this job is God's will? Am I sure that Washington, DC is God's will? Am I sure that this car is God's will? But I'm really not sure that I know what that means. Does it mean that I have no choices about anything - everything is predetermined and if I screw up one thing, my whole life is screwed?

I don't think so. Over the past few years, I've wrestled with this question - absolutely paralyzed in fear of making a mistake. And I think I've finally come to a conclusion.

The only thing that matters is obedience. A daily walk with Christ that is real, authentic, growing.

My deepest desire is to be like Christ. I've thrown out the phrase, "Is this His will?" from my vocabulary, and replaced it with, "Am I daily walking in faith?"

And so, I've decided that my spiritual journey for the next few months is going to be focused on knowing Christ. Following Him. Obeying Him. I believe that this starts and ends with what He has revealed about Himself in the scriptures. And I'm finding out more than I ever have before.

I recently went through the book of Matthew (and am working on the other gospels) and just made a list of the commands that Christ gives us in His own words. It's amazing what He says...and what He doesn't.

Here's my list from Matthew. Every time I read through it, it just encourages my heart. And really challenges me.

“Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” 3:7
“Worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only.” 3:10
“Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.” 3:17
“Come, follow Me.” 3:19
“Let your light shine before men.” 5:16
“Go and be reconciled to your brother.” 5:23
“Settle matters quickly with your adversary.” 5:25
“Do not swear at all.” 5:34
“Do not resist an evil person.” 5:39
“Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” 5:42
“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” 5:44
“Be perfect, as your Heavenly Father is perfect.” 5:48
“Be careful not to do your ‘acts of righteousness’ before men.” 6:1
“When you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, Who is unseen.” 6:6
“When you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting.” 6:16
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth.” 6:19
“Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven.” 6:20
“Do not worry about your life.” 6:25
“Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness.” 6:33
“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” 6:34
“Do not judge.” 7:1
“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs.” 7:6
“Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened unto you.” 7:7
“In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” 7:12
“Enter through the narrow gate.” 7:13
“Watch out for false prophets.” 7:15
“Ask the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into His harvest field.” 9:38
“Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.” 10:28
“Come to Me, you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” 11:28
“Honor your father and mother.” 15:4
“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” 16:24
“If you have faith as small as a mustard seed...nothing will be impossible for you.” 17:20-21
“Whoever humbles himself like this child will be greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” 18:4
“Whoever welcomes a little child like this in My name welcomes Me.” 18:5
“See that you do not look down on one of these little ones.” 18:10
“If a brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you.” 18:15
“Forgive your brother from your heart.” 18:35
“If you want to enter life, obey the commandments.” 19:17
“Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as yourself.” 19:18-19
“Sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow Me.” 19:21
“If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” 21:22
“Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.” 22:21
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” 22:37
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” 22:39
“Do not call anyone on earth, “father,” for you have one Father, and He is in heaven.” 23:9
“Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” 23:12
“Watch out that no one deceives you.” 24:4
“Keep watch, because you do not know on what day the Lord will come.” 24:42
“Whatever you did for one of the least of these, you did for Me.” 25:40
“Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” 28:19-20

...a new chapter...

I used to consider myself a relatively adventurous person. I went to a college that was 9 hours from my parents, took a job in the same area, and have lived as an independent spirit ever since. It really has been an adventure. I've changed my own headlight, killed numerous spiders all by myself, put furniture together, started a business, and have driven in Chicago's rush-hour traffic.

But lately, my choices and decisions have been all about playing it safe. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but my idea of safety is relying solely on myself. I hate to admit it, but my relationship with the Lord had become secondary to my own independence.

So, while co-leading a Bible study about Abraham last fall, I began thinking about Abraham's journey...and mine. Abraham was a man who risked everything because he knew Who was in control of his life. He put aside his "right" to lead his own life and gave everything to God - even following Him without having any idea where that would lead him.

I began to pray.

At the same time, I began facing the possibility of losing my job due to budget cuts. I prayed harder. I began to think about where I would go if I had the opportunity to go anywhere. Over time, my heart settled on Washington, DC. My family, the people I value most on this earth, would be close by. I would be able to live with a dear friend. And I would be in an exciting city with endless possibilities.

As I sought out the advice of godly people, prayed, and waited as patiently as possible for news about my job, I became convinced that the Lord was moving me. Even though I didn't know for sure if moving would be necessary, I began to believe that God was using my job situation to open my eyes to something new. A risk.

I remember telling a friend that I was afraid that I wouldn't lose my job and also that I wouldn't have a job in DC before the time came for me to make a decision. It seems that both of those things have happened. My job is safe and secure. But I don't think it's for me anymore. I don't have a job in DC, and unless there's a miracle within the next month, I may not have one anytime soon.

But there's one thing I know. My God is in control. He's sovereign, and He has known what I would need each second of my life. I am moving forward in full confidence that He Who promised is faithful. That He never will leave me or forsake me. That He has some great things in store for me.

Quality Education in an Entertainment-Driven World

The school that I work for allows students to carry and use cell phones between classes. They are also allowed to use ipods and other MP3 players in the halls. On a weekly basis, I am shown a new cell phone, app, or other technology that is completely foreign to me. Most hours of the day, my students are mindlessly entertained by screens and ear buds.

How can Shakespeare and sentence diagramming compete with that?

I can’t possibly create music videos, video games, or iphone apps for every (or any!)lesson. Some days a handout with clip art is as visually stimulating as my class gets. But I think I may have an answer for those who are frustrated by the media-engulfed teens of today.

Relevance.

It sounds obvious. We need to make our lessons relevant. But I don’t know how many teachers actually ask themselves on a daily basis whether or not they teaching to relevance.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t really care about things that don’t affect me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve skipped over a news headline or changed the channel or passed on a book - simply because that subject was completely irrelevant to my life. But if someone came along and explained that my life could be greatly improved upon simply by my learning something about quantum mechanics or the history of the coffee bean, I may just listen to them. And teenagers are exactly the same.

So, what does a relevant classroom look like? First of all, I think it’s conversation-driven. I’m not talking about scheduled discussions about content. I’m talking about an open dialogue between students and teacher. I love when my students ask me why in the world they need to know what an appositive is. And I know that in other classrooms, that kind of question is met with frustration. When students feel safe enough to ask the “why” questions and are given thoughtful answers, they can begin to see the discipline as a part of their lives instead of an obligation.

Secondly, a relevant classroom is an intentional one. A teacher that designs “real world” assignments will be far more successful than one who simply strives to hit all of the state standards. Although this may take a little more time on the planning end, it is well worth the effort. Teenagers are by nature very self-centered. They need to be told that this is about them!

Thirdly, a relevant classroom acknowledges culture. I am so thankful for the English department at my current school because they have striven to teach books with so-called “controversial” content - books that discuss depression, sex, drugs and alcohol, and rape. Pretending that those things don’t exist in their lives is one way to instantly alienate them - and cause you to be irrelevant to them. But a teacher who acknowledges the presence of “controversial” content in students’ lives is more able to be a good role model and speak truth about those issues. When I address these issues in my classroom, I am well aware of the fact that I may be the only one giving them a responsible answer. And my students listen.

I truly don’t believe that an effective teacher has to have the greatest technology and even incredibly entertaining subject matter. An effective teacher needs to simply illustrate an understanding of her students and a desire to be applicable to them. Who knows? They may even forget about their ipods for awhile.

It doesn’t have to be earth-shattering. It just has to matter.